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Magnificent Desolation

This morning I got up and again headed down to the National Air and Space Museum. I had a ticket to go and see Magnificent Desolation, the new-ish IMAX 3D film narrated by Tom Hanks. It basically told the story of how people trained for, worked, and walked on the moon. In the six missions to the moon, 12 men left their footprints there. The landscapes were beautiful, the perspectives great, the story fulfilling.

I love space. The film was primarily about the Apollo missions, which I have studied since middle school. Listening to actors reading quotes from these brilliant and brave men, watching images of their time on the lunar surface, hearing the *bleep* so often associated with the space race Mission Control room ... it was hard not to be intoxicated by all of it.

You can laugh if you want, but I was crying by the end. There was a little sub-story about a girl who wanted to go to the moon. She was sure she was going to get to go. I think I saw myself in her. I wish I was better at the physics and calculus stuff so I could go for it. An astronaut is one of the first things I can remember seriously wanting to be when I grew up. I don't think that passion ever left me.

Afterwards, tears dried, I had lunch with Derek in the Hirshorn sculpture garden and then came back and took care of business on the computer for a bit. I cooked dinner and studied before heading in to take my Research Methods final exam. I think I might have killed my pen. Also, I think as much as 5% of the total ink that made it into my blue book made it onto my hand.

Three hours later I came home from the exam. I got to catch up with quite a few people tonight - online and otherwise and this resulted in two fabulous quotes:

"And then we gave them malaria." - Jeff, on the reason why he thinks Thanksgiving is a weird holiday (originally it was polio).

"I think that is just a trick to get people to pee on children." - Unattributed to the only boy who was in the apartment tonight (We were discussing techniques for getting rid of warts in combination with a conversation about flossing in public.)

So, I would like to invite those who could care less about my strange internal mindsettings to stop reading now, since that is pretty much all that is coming next. Have a great day/night!

The weirdness ...
So I've been thinking too much for my own good. I was lucky enough to find the blog of a long lost friend this past week. I liked reading it and seeing a completely different side to this person I had known. I found it particularly interesting, because there were so many new things I discovered. Usually, when you think you know someone, you would be familiar with them - but that wasn't the case.

The thing I liked best about reading it though, was that I didn't have the emotional turmoil I expected. Not that I was expecting it actually, Dana was. She warned that this could be bad. It wasn't "bad." Because it was marvelous the friendly nature that seemed to pop up from it all. It was the rocket-like blast my mind took in an opposing direction that seemed frightening.

There is nothing like a dying ember to light a fire. And when faced with alternatives, it is surprising how quickly I was able to dismiss things. My choice shocked me. It shouldn't have, it was mine. But I knew, inately, right then, what my option was. Of all the available ones - one stuck out like a phosphorescent path.

Then tonight, things were - busy again. It was like the decision I made two days ago was suddenly super important and then quickly unimportant. I had new alternatives. I think I am sticking with the one from before, but some of the new ones were interesting at least. Interesting enough to make me consider loosening the ferocity of my previous selection.

I'm sure you know I am not talking about paint colors, but to be honest, I'm really internalizing two pretty big concepts using one story line there. If you're confused, just imagine what is going on between my ears!

Sometimes writing it down makes it easier. I should probably do this in a space where I won't be boring people, but something about this medium is attractive to me. I guess I feel like I'm really talking to someone - even if all of you stopped reading a few paragraphs ago.

But now I am getting sleepy, and I don't think I've actually learned anything that is going to make it all better or easier or anymore in my control than it is right now. I'm working on letting go of the whole control thing a little. I'm practicing on friends (who have no idea ... which is probably better, because they would both probably tease me about it). We'll see how it goes. Love always and goodnight, ~Heather