Points of Order

1. I'm going to be blogging even more intermittently than I am now for the next couple of weeks (hopefully less) because I so rarely have Internet access at home. Comcast is just about the suckiest service I've ever had in my home, and with any luck I'll either be rid of them or they'll have fixed everything VERY soon.

2. Cleaning my room less than once a month results in an unseemly mess. I obviously need to have more house guests so I feel more inclined to pick up after myself. Motivation, baby. Won't you be mine?

3. I feel like I've been trying really hard to do a number of things lately. I think I need a little more Yoda in my life: "Do or do not do. There is no try." I have the power to make a choice about which way I want to go on certain things. I need to be choosing better. Heck, I need to be choosing at all.

4. I am a horrible penpal. I say this not because I don't like writing to other people, but because I am horribly impatient for them to respond. It is probably the most conceited thing about me that I assume that if someone is important to me or that I'm thinking of them it follows that they consider me important and are thinking of me too. Truth is, that's a whole lot of self-flattery that is going to get me nowhere.

5. Instead, I need to focus on the awesome people - like Caroline, who sent me the most exquisite souvenir from her time in India. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again next winter.

6. I should be watering both the front and back yards more. We spent a lot of energy getting everything planted properly. I should definitely be maintaining our investment.

7. I am blessed with an amazing family. I hope they know that I love them loads and couldn't truly live without them.

8. Is 2 cubed or 2 times four or ten minus 2.

9. If I put on makeup and cute clothes, I fully intend to go out and show myself off. In any other world but the one I live in, this would be completely obvious to other people.

10. There is a big change a-coming. I don't know what yet, but something constant in my world is going to be a bit less constant in the near future. I can feel it.

11. Love always,

~Heather

P.S. The quotes of the day on the blog are so often accurate. "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." ~ Amelia Earhart

Hearing Things

I was sitting here thinking just now that the reason it must feel so eerily quiet and creepy when the power goes out is because there is no hum from all the devices we're so used to hearing as "white noise" all the time. My fish tank, the fan on the computer, the tangible static buzz from the TV system.

Yesterday I spent my day hearing all sorts of things. My alarm clock - early. MK, a girl from my volleyball team, as we chatted in the car on the way out to Harper's Ferry (though I got to just hear for awhile too, because for some reason silences don't feel to awkward with her). The river and the rapids as I floated along the Potomac and then the Shenandoah on a tube. Laughter from my fellow river riders, animals, the wind, insects buzzing, nature. The waterfall as I reached the sandy shore.

Then later from the roof of my townhouse, the fireworks as they rattled the sky over near National Harbor. My roommates and their friends enjoying each others company. My family members' voices on the phone. Trixie, a visiting dog, moaning like an inappropriate film. One of my nearest and dearest as she exhibited strength that I've watched build in her over the past couple of months.

I heard all these things, and I know I missed more. There are so many sounds out there. So many experiences my ears haven't yet recognized. It's such an adventure. And I can't wait to hear more.

Love always, ~Heather

We the jury...

If I were on trial for masochism, I would be found guilty.

Very, very guilty.

I was reading this study today about how physical actions actually incite emotional responses. So, for example, if you're forced to frown (because you have to hold a pen between your lips - not your teeth), you'll find things less funny and you'll be more unhappy. It seems to be true.

Which is why I've been working really hard to try and smile and get out more and do things with my friends - lots of exciting plans this weekend.

Because I need to be done being masochistic. Because hibernating is bad for my health (I am not a bear, and besides, it isn't winter in this hemisphere). Because the truth is, things don't get better just because time passes. Time passes and your brain helps you fade the edges of the memories that seem to attack you at unsuspecting moments. Time saps their strength so they can't come out and haunt you as often. People call it forgetting.

The curse of a memory like mine - and many would say I have an arguably brilliant memory - is that I don't forget. Time helps me as it helps everyone else, but the number of details that flash before my eyes ... it would give an epileptic a seizure. Soon, these memories will be photoshopped into the collage of history, my epic timeline. There, they will sit and wait for their moment. The moment they can sneak out and attack.

I've always given them the chance before. The old memories ... they had time, I gave them as much fodder as they needed and they stayed strong for ages past their expiration. These memories...they won't get that chance. I plan to feed them the poison of my happiness. Of hours on the Shenandoah River with some of the greatest teammates a girl could have. Of fireworks on the National Mall (or maybe from a rooftop, we'll see). Of family and friends and laughter.

I hope time will give me a hand, but in the mean time, if I'm going to be guilty, I might as well be guilty of doing something fun.

Love always, ~Heather

It is I, Don Quixote

If you couldn't guess, I saw Man of La Mancha today. It was out at the Middleton Wayside Theater. It was "just" a regional theater, but the show rivaled performances I've seen at WolfTrap and other off-Broadway style places.

The most incredible parts were the lead actor and the set design. Without both, the play was bound to fail - but they managed it so seamlessly ... I was in awe. There was also a brilliantly staged scene with Quixote and his squire riding horses ... the people dressed as horses moving in perfect rhythm ... all these ellipses mean I don't have the words to describe the awesomeness.

I went out - WAY out, past Front Royal - to see the show with Derek and his family. Afterwards, we went out to dinner at the Wayside Inn, which was built in 1742. They say Washington himself drank out of the well in the tavern (I'm guessing it used to be outside). The history there was better than the food, but the company was really fun.

Derek and I have known each other for ages, and it is always so wonderful to see him. So, getting to spend a whole afternoon seeing him, talking about anything and everything, and having a musical thrown in, that's my kind of Sunday.

Speaking of Sunday, I did feel a little bad about crashing my hermit-like plans and leaving town. I didn't sing with my choir. I found out that services at my local church are at 8:30, not 9 a.m. - don't worry, I stayed and read through the liturgy of the word portion. But, that being considered, I think I got God's message today.

It started with the gospel readings, and the quote, "Little girl, arise." It seemed like I shouldn't be hiding out if Jesus was asking me to "arise". Then Derek and I were chatting the whole way out and it's always nice to discover that circumstances seem to come together through divine intervention. I've been hiding out - from myself and others - for a couple of days now. Nothing serious, just preferring time alone to time shared. The trip not only got me out of the house, it got me listening to some pretty inspiring messages.

The theme of Man of La Mancha, seemed, to me, to be that even if you don't think you have enough courage for yourself, if you can inspire it in others, than you've achieved your goal. I've been struggling with courage. Courage to face myself and decide what path I want to take in life. Courage to find happiness in solitude - knowing that I may be alone for a long time yet. Courage to look for the good things in situations that are inopportunistically bad. Courage to be better than I am for and to others.

So, I'm taking a page from Cervantes. I will be Don Quixote (though I sadly lack horses, I am currently accepting applications for a squire!). I'll take the bits of life that are good and exemplify those through my own life (okay, I'm going to try). I will (continue to) face the mirrors of reality, but I will not let them afflict me. I will give others courage and strength, I will help my neighbors putting their interests high on my priority list. And, through this, I hope - like Cervantes - to find the strength to walk out the door towards the Inquisition.

There is a difference between being dragged into a situation and walking in yourself.

I plan to be walking.

If you're a windmill, you'd better get out of the way.

Love always, ~Heather

P.S. - If you haven't seen the show or heard the music, not all of that will make sense. Sorry about that.

P.P.S. - today's quote really makes it: "Things do not happen. Things are made to happen." ~JFK

Overdue

My posting here is so long overdue I should be charged a library fine. I mean, what is the point of you - my absolutely faithful readers - checking in or subscribing if all I ever do is apologize for not writing? So here is a brief synopsis, which should be followed over the next couple of days with photoblog and regular posts.

Life is, in general, proceeding at a rate of one day at a time. I spend most of my time working and the rest of it either curled up with a book or doing something with friends. I re-read the entire Harry Potter series over the past month or so in preparation for the movie coming out. So excited about that.

I had a chance to go home this past weekend to spend Father's Day with my dad and help out with my mom, who recently had minor back surgery. All in all, a great visit. We went to the pool one afternoon, had fabulous dinner both nights (broccoli rabe and Italian sausage night one followed by pork loin with red russets the way only Mom can make them the next). I made Dad custard with blackberries in it - light (yet filling), refreshing, sweet, and portion controlled (they cooked in little glass bowls). Perfect little diabetic or dieting treat.

I plan on doing a LOT more cooking this summer. I got off track with cooking when I got off track with regular grocery store visits, but I plan on remedying that soon. I used to go after church each Sunday, but between not hanging out with my choir after church and dating someone (weekend free time becomes rather precious), I started just stopping in to grab what I needed after volleyball on Wednesdays. I'm going to get myself back on a much more regular schedule - using coupons and all.

Volleyball went okay-well this season. The girls team is great - looking forward to playoffs (I think we've won every game so far). The co-ed team magically managed to lose every single game. It really was a confluence of games getting timed out and never having the same people from week to week, horrible calls from the referees, and the general nature of the REEdiculous rules in this league. It reminded me why I stopped playing with them last year. So I'm stopping, again.

But, my night out will not be lost, as I intend to pick up a course at the local community college. I figure a little intellectual stimulation never hurt anyone, and if I take modern dance it'll be exercise; piano would be something musical that I love and really want to be better at; or Spanish, because I should probably learn enough to be able to eavesdrop properly on the metro. (Just kidding.)

Speaking of the metro - wow. I know accidents happen, but it's pretty shocking nonetheless. Please pray for the souls of those who were lost in the crash, the injured who endured it, and all the others who are effected by this great tragedy.

In happier news, my garden is awesome! Flourishing with lots of veggies and soon to be fruits. We've even got some root vegetables that look like they're going to be great. SO excited for fresh and free (to me now) produce.

OKay, that's enough. Please accept my appetizer of a posting and know that it is just a matter of time before I start bombarding you with things to read again.

Love always, ~Heather