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The light bulb above my head lit up in the car tonight. I finally figured it out.

All semester I have been trying to figure out why I didn't understand this project in Theory class and what is going on. I had another conversation with my professor after class tonight and that is what clarified it.

My idea of what the project encompases was correct. It is enough work to be a dissertation. But he doesn't expect me to be able to do it. Not just me, any of us. He doesn't think we are capable, nor should we be capable of this large literature review. Bullshoot.

The last time someone told me this (in the US) it was Dr. Sederberg. He said I couldn't do my thesis. It was too much to write, direct, produce, teach a university class ... but we did it. It wasn't the best thing ever, but we did it. In France, they said something similar. They expected so little of me it blew them away when I was working at 50% capacity.

I know it is going to be a long shot - a real long shot - to finish this project the way it really is supposed to be, but I'm going to do it. I know I shouldn't push myself so hard, but I refuse to be a "cognitive miser." I won't be just like everyone else. I will not let low expectations effect the results of my work.

I am more than capable of writing a literature review. Sure I've never done it before. Yes, it is in social science, a field I feel varying levels of disdain for because their research methods are bogus. And of course I already have an immense amount of reading on my plate. But I am me. And what would I be if I wasn't an over-achiever?

Love always, ~Heather


Napoleon said…
You go girl (said with a finger snap)