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Not Sleeping

I am supposed to be sleeping. Well, I am supposed to be sleeping in about an hour and a half. I have about ten minutes left of packing to do and have yet to force myself to do it. I know I'll finish before I go to bed, but I have just been wrestling a little bit with my mind.

The plans are all set for tomorrow. For the first time ever, I feel prepared. I know everything is going to go just fine, so why do I get down and whiny about it? Why don't I just suck it up and feel fine? Why is moving like some sort of psychological twister?

Every time I move this happens. Usually it is stress from not being ready, packed, or cleaned up. This time it is just ... because. Which makes me think the other times were pretty much "just because" too. Della taught me how to take care of this, but I know that for the past few days I have been deflecting instead of aggressively trying to beat down these unhappy thoughts. Thing is, there is nothing to be unhappy about.

I'm not looking for pity or cheering up, because by the time anyone reads this, I'll be in bed and have woken up totally refreshed, thrilled about the prospects of moving, and will actually probably be on the road (since it is a Saturday, you sleepyheads!). Maybe this is because I don't usually get sad about moving. Maybe this is how my real feelings about leaving the place I had been calling home reveal themselves - in night before move out terror. Perhaps cold feet?

Nah, it is too hot for that, plus I still want to go. I just need to concentrate, focus, channel my energy to something productive. It is about 90 minutes before bed - I think I can run through getting the rest of my stuff done now so tomorrow can be a thoroughly uneventful morning (or at least allow spare time for something unplanned yet eventful that may occur). Off I go. And so does the computer. See you in Maryland. Love always, ~Heather