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Bed bugs

You know that really popular saying, "don't let the bedbugs bite"? I really am afraid I might have to fight them off. I have actually taken to turning on lights on the other side of the apartment to draw the bugs away. The cleaning has taken the back burner to the bug killing at this point. The turning point was this morning.

I walked into my room and on a portion of my ceiling that drops down, there was a large bug that looked like a cross between a roach larvae and millipeed and 'squito eater. I sprayed it with the bug killer Dad and I bought last night. Spraying has recently been deemed safer not only for its distance from the target but for the paint; there are little dead bug splotches partout. So, I sprayed this morph bug and it fell off the wall, landed on the bed and crawled under the comforter. I shooed it out in one swipe of my hand, and it died almost on contact with the carpet. (This is one good spray!) But like the spider video from the 5th grade and the story about my uncle putting the snake in my mother's bed as children, I am now SUPER paranoid about bugs being in my bed.

This reminds me of a time...
In the third grade, Chad Potter used to put dead cockroaches in my hair, books, desk, lunch box ... anywhere he could. It scared the bejeebers out of me. The challenge, as Mrs. Hussein so rightly put it, was to not scream, because this only served as a stimulus for more dead invertebrates in/on/near me. Here is my question: now that I've stopped screaming, how do I get rid of the fear that incited it?

I am still super annoyed/terrified of bugs. I think the annoyed is much stronger, because I fear only that they will be crawling on me and I won't notice .... hence not sitting on the floor or anywhere near where bugs have been recently. But as those places become fewer and not far between, I am being forced to face my fears. I still get the creepy-crawliness though. I see/feel those bugs all the time, even when they aren't there. Don't sign me up for the mental institution yet, I'm not hallucinating (I don't think), I'm just ... scared.

That being said, I need to be done thinking about it for awhile. And no one give me statistics on how many bugs you swallow or crawl in your orifices during the night ... I think I might mail you a dead bug if you do. Just pray the bugs stay away. I will too. But I'm sleeping with the Raid can just in case. (Arms length, obviously I don't want to poison myself accidently.) Squishingly yours until tomorrow, love always, ~Heather