My stress level was so high tonight that my chest actually hurt. My heart felt constricted - something it has been doing often lately. There are so many things I would like to be doing this summer, but until I find myself an apartment or other housing for next year I am afraid I will not be able to do or enjoy any of them. I have even hesitated on buying plane tickets because I am afraid I won't have a place and I'll have to cancel my trip to find one.
Even when I fall asleep my dreams are stressful. Not like nightmares but, for example, one dream was that I worked long over on a project, missed a group dinner and then when I finally tried to leave they had just left and locked me in the building and I couldn't get out (although I did have my cell with me in the dream). I sleep like a rock but I am working so hard in my dreams, I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all. Not good.
Tonight was particularly bad. I got home from work (working extra hours this week), sat on the couch, then got up to go take care of some dogs I'm watching up the street, came back and could eat nothing. I went to my room and had so little energy I could barely even cry (not as good a deal as you anti-criers would think). My salvation came in the form of a little red book on the floor next to my dresser; my Taize song book.
If you know nothing about Taize, read some of my posts about it in the April archives. But for those of you who do, I just laid on my floor and put the book in front of me and sang the verses of the songs I knew over and over and over again until I felt better. It was amazing how great it was. One of my favorite tunes is Jesus le Christ - which is about not letting your doubts get to you and having hope. It was so perfectly relevant tonight. It saved me from a night of painful stress. God Bless those brothers and my friends who encouraged me to go there!
But now that I am recuperated I am going searching anew. I might even go downstairs and eat in a little while. Who knows. Regardless, I just wanted to send out my love to the others who pray Taize - you are in my heart tonight, filling it so it cannot be constricted. Love always, ~Heather
Even when I fall asleep my dreams are stressful. Not like nightmares but, for example, one dream was that I worked long over on a project, missed a group dinner and then when I finally tried to leave they had just left and locked me in the building and I couldn't get out (although I did have my cell with me in the dream). I sleep like a rock but I am working so hard in my dreams, I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all. Not good.
Tonight was particularly bad. I got home from work (working extra hours this week), sat on the couch, then got up to go take care of some dogs I'm watching up the street, came back and could eat nothing. I went to my room and had so little energy I could barely even cry (not as good a deal as you anti-criers would think). My salvation came in the form of a little red book on the floor next to my dresser; my Taize song book.
If you know nothing about Taize, read some of my posts about it in the April archives. But for those of you who do, I just laid on my floor and put the book in front of me and sang the verses of the songs I knew over and over and over again until I felt better. It was amazing how great it was. One of my favorite tunes is Jesus le Christ - which is about not letting your doubts get to you and having hope. It was so perfectly relevant tonight. It saved me from a night of painful stress. God Bless those brothers and my friends who encouraged me to go there!
But now that I am recuperated I am going searching anew. I might even go downstairs and eat in a little while. Who knows. Regardless, I just wanted to send out my love to the others who pray Taize - you are in my heart tonight, filling it so it cannot be constricted. Love always, ~Heather
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