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Adopting in Ashburn

What began in France moved to Washington, DC and then the suburbs. Let the adventures in Ashburn continue.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Learning Curve

I was trying to sum up what I know about dating (after watching the second half of "How to Get the Guy" last night (after the devastating Gamecock baseball loss)). So, I categorized the types of guys I have had exposure to and for everyone's good, renamed them. Then, I wrote what I learned from each of them. Besides vicariously living through the stories of my friends, this is all the information I would have to offer.

**These are in no particular order and they occasionally characterize more than one person.**

Mr. Big. Intelligent, charming, and exquisitely good at disarming me. Perhaps too good.
What I learned: Open relationships give you alot of freedom - and sometimes too much space. Letting myself go sometimes is as important to my mental health as being a goodie-two-shoes.

Verbotten. Reserved, complex, understanding, great listener, patient, helpful, sporty, and obviously, taken.
What I learned: Restraint held for long periods of time is better left restrained. Unless you stand a chance and even then you should forget about it.

The Nerd. Super smart, understanding, patient, and considerate. Then we grew up.
What I learned: Boyfriend is not the same as only person you can talk to and must talk to about everything. Jealousy should be kept in check - if I can have male friends, he can have female friends.

SpongeBob. Grossly intellectual, highly religious. Bad conversationalist.
What I learned: Getting asked out after playing sports and being sweaty is one of the best compliments of all time. If you feel like you should turn around before you've even left the parking lot of your place, you probably should.

The Scaredy Cat. Personable, good-willed, dedicated, hardworking, creates strange internal spark that is unexplainable. Requires multiple forces to get him out of his shell.
What I learned: You cannot take away shyness by force of sheer volition. Oversharing can absolutely kill all romantic speculation. Pursuit is admirable and abominable simultaneously.

Will. Smart, funny, occassionally sporty (but not really athletic), great to be around, excellent listener, can drive you nuts with diatribes about the most inane things, and ready to do stuff with you most of the time. Too good to be true - therefore, gay.
What I learned: Being myself is essential. Don't get lost in the lives of others - especially if you know they are unattainable (that took a few falls to grasp). I am not perfect, but I am worthy.

The Dramatic. Smart, funny, great performer, and ultimately way too young.
What I learned: Younger is not a good idea. Laughter is important but only if you can also have intelligent conversations.

Coach Suave. Volleyball playing, well-toned, friendly, flirty court companion.
What I learned: Dating the coach makes for awkward practices thereafter. Physical attraction + language barriers + inadvertent sexual advance = recipe for disaster.

Rooster. Strong, compassionate, musical, friendly with my family, inability to decipher when a single conversation was not about him.
What I learned: If he is too cocky to recognize the existence of others that is probably the only part of himself he'll be thinking with when he's with you.

The Friend. Smart, dramatic, remembers everything, knows how to make you feel better, good conversationalist, dreamer, worrisome, contemplative, nostalgic. And not a single spark.
What I learned: Don't try to make things happen where things aren't going to happen. If you have to have a fallback for the age of 35, this is the perfect guy.

So there you have it. Upon re-reading the list I discovered that some people fell into multiple categories. It should also be mentioned that I have only ever had three boyfriends ... the rest were just passers - by (though obviously notable).

After the line is a different intro I wrote to this, but I decided it was too convoluted and you would probably lose interest before you got to the cool list I had made. So I put it last. Don't read it if you don't have a little time. Even then it might not be worth it.

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I did something ridiculously juvenile this morning: I indulged in watching a rerun of the Dawson's Creek series finale. This, in addition to recent messages to Malise in Moldova and emails from other high school friends really got me thinking (in a Carrie Bradshaw fashion) about the beginings and endings of friendships and particularly relationships.

Friendships. This is a particularly difficult one to cover because it is vast and immeasurably difficult to put a point on. Suffice it to say that a best friend is a friend forever, sending nail polish decorated letters and writing in code makes memory boxes more fun, great friends come and go but all teach you something, and that new friends who get you are sometimes hard to come by. As you can see, that is alot. Normally I would expand on all that, but this blog isn't about that.

Relationships are a sticky mess of the best and worst moments. We all hope the good outweigh the bad but most believe that one moment of true happiness is worth all the tears and pain that might come after. I am a member of that camp. I am beginning to think however that that phrase should be restricted to people who are dying, moving, or going off on a perilous adventure. But, more importantly than my theoretical principles I decided to create the stereotypical characters (as to avoid real names for my poor former "callers"). I am wondering how many more of these fellows I have to go through to get to "the one." More importantly though I am trying to figure out what else I need to learn, because I don't think I ever thought I'd be happily with the right person by now - I probably won't be for another decade - but when I do get around to it, I want to make sure I am doing it right, being a good person. OKay, here goes.

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That's it for now. Love always, ~Heather

2 Comments:

Blogger Napoleon said...

I think I'm a little bit of Nerd, a little bit of Scardy Cat, and little bit of Sponge Bob(although I'm not sure why you named it Spnge Bob). Fun post heather.

10:09 AM  
Blogger discipleassisi said...

wow heather. one of my favorite posts :) it's one i'll read and reread.

3:14 PM  

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