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Like a journal

This post is going to be like a journal entry (as if the others aren't), so if you don't care about the random crap in my mind, feel free to stop reading here and catch up again tomorrow.

I'm hungry. Like I said earlier this week, I can't make myself get on a normal schedule. I go back to my room and eat dinner when the internet cuts off - so at like 11. Not good. But considering I didn't have lunch until 4ish, maybe it isn't as messed up as you think.

I'm not unhappy, I mean, I am perfectly content with my life, but at the same time, I feel like so much is missing. I know this feeling is bound to go away soon - but who knows really. I think I am bummed because I have recently discovered that I will be poor for awhile. If I pay my parents back with all the money I saved while I was here, then I only have to earn $4,615 this summer to put myself in a respectable place to start grad school in September. Oh, and in September, I have to have a job that pays something close to $1,700 a month so that I can afford all of my bills (housing and transportation in the nation's capitol aren't cheap).

The most I have ever made in a YEAR is $3,500 - and that was the year I RAed, worked in the office, babysat, and worked at the theater all summer and vacations. Dad is going to try to get me an internship in Fayetteville, which would be awesome. Besides making most of the money I'll need, I won't have rent and such to worry about for the summer. But a 12 week internship means no travelling. It also means I'll be babysitting or finding a job as a waitress/hostess for the weekends, because I am going to have to pull in a little more money (most internships pay about $7 an hour and I'll need closer to $9.60 to make things work).

The biggest bonus about taking an internship is that I would be getting valuable Communications field experience. Which is more than I can say for a camp job. However, I have found a camp that says they pay $4,750 for 10 weeks - which would be great money and still leave me time to go see Lorien in Colorado and hunt for a place to live in DC. I sent them some questions, we'll see what they say.

I am really glad I set up that little budget - expense planning thing on my computer, but now it just reminds me that I am going to have to start making decisions based on what I can afford. I read Angela's Ashes this week, so I feel a little silly complaining about money issues when those people literally had nothing. I am blessed with a loving and supportive family and friends who are always there for me. I have no right to complain about anything.

Additionally, I am living in Europe. I get to sleep in a building that was constructed before most of the states were states. I can buy fresh groceries, I have internet access, and warm shelter. Can anyone explain to me how I can be upset or worried or unhappy when I have so many blessings. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't shake it. Maybe the hunger is doing it to me - I need to go have dinner.

That was alot of whining and if you read it all, it is only further evidence that I have some of the most patient and understanding people in the world on my side - cheering me on, helping me out, reading an overly voracious (isn't that a synonym for garrulous?) blog. You guys rock. I don't tell you that enough. But you do. Love you all bunches and bunches and I promise to be cheered up soon, ~Heather

P.S. You must be the change you wish to see in the world.Mohandas Gandhi That was the quote of the day on the top of the blog after I posted this message. I feel inspired. I am off to be productive (mostly, that means having supper!) Love always, ~Heather