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Don't miss the Finally Photos blog from today as well.

The following is going to be stream of conciousness and scattered, please excuse me...

I don't know what I am feeling right now. I am so happy to read news about everyone. I got to see pictures of Martin, read how Marco was doing, here from Melanie and Arthur - everything there is going well. The woman at the post office in France lied to me, because my package didn't get to NY until yesterday, so I probably won't get it until the end of next week. I can't imagine if I had asked for it to come economy class how long they would have taken to get the boxes on a plane. Well, I guess in that case it would have come on a boat, but you get it.

I watched an entire disc of West Wing today, you know how much I love that show. And someone told me to stop being myself. They didn't mean to, and I am sure I am overreacting because I watch The Way We Were last night. Marco said the main character reminded him of me - but in the end things don't really work out for her. Bugger. Travis and I almost sang that song, Memories as a duet my junior year in high school but I lost my voice almost and couldn't sing. I could barely talk. But I managed for the directing I still had left to do.

I always give 100% to things and it seems to take so long and I am so frequently disappointed. And this isn't entirely about having been alone in the house all day - even though I was, except Shadow of course. Maybe my friends don't have the house number except Caroline. Well Garrison is coming up from Georgia tomorrow to hang out for two days and then on the 18th or before I am going to Norfolk to hang with Ian and then be a facilitator at the HOBY VA conference. I have plans. I'm going to Colorado, I'm house-sitting. I miss doing things.

I listened to French music today. I shouldn't have, because now I miss things from France. I was doing just dandy. And I lost 15 pounds in the past 7 months and I have gained 4 in the past week eating this American food again. I need to get my brain and body in check. I think keeping active is the best way to do that. I'm terrified Paula could have been right. I won't let that happen to me again, no slipping, because the slope is too slippery.

And I find myself waiting for somthing (things) I know will never happen. I really need to find a friend or I am going to eat desserts and mope all night. But the only friend I have in this town hasn't bothered to call once in ... well ages. Almost 8 months. And I don't know if that qualifies as being a friend. And even if he did call, I don't know if he is the person I want to see. I am all too often the shoulder and there are so rarely shoulders for me. One-sided relationships blow. But that is the curse of having friends who are immature.

Oh, how so many of my friends are real adults with passion and heart and shoulders open and available no matter the problem - but even they are hard to talk to, because I feel bad asking them to help support me and my burdens when they have so many other important things going on - lives, with families, jobs, resposibilities that venture farther than feeding the dog. Feeding. I think maybe I am grumpy because I didn't eat. I'll eat, then maybe I'll feel better.

Don't worry (those of you who do), I'm not going to do anything rash - I'll lock all the chocolate in the pantry and take a walk. After all, what is there to be upset about? Life is beautiful and nothing beats a gorgeous spring day with just enough clouds to keep the sun from broiling the earth. Off I go. Hugs and kisses. ~Heather


discipleassisi said…
i take it your blog is still on france time :) listen - call me. (you know the area code) 240-6401. i may not be able to talk at that moment, but at least i'll tell you to go outside and i'll call you later :) love you,
discipleassisi said…
by the way, when will you be in sc? i hope it's while i'm here...