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Dorkus Heatherulus

dorkus heatherulus (door-kus hea-thra-lus) n. a being of a heather-ish nature who does dorky things. The twenty-something, dorkus heatherulus created a definition of herself using her own name as if she was a latin-based species.

So, tonight I wrote out this whole explanation/solution with all of the available side effects/repercussions/consequences outlined. A means of deciding on a plan. No better way then to read this to a trusted friend and advisor and have them praise you for your brilliant writing style and well-thought out arguments.


Or, they could take that nice flat manifesto (or whatever you want to call it), roll it up and whop you about the head with it.

Now, being that I read it on the phone, there wasn't much actual beating about the head. Also, because my masochism typically stops at a line far before physical abuse, I was not literally beating myself about the head. But I ought to have been.

Because when your life is basically on track and you have 97.65% of things figured out, YOU DON'T NEED A NEW PLAN. Your old plan is doing just fine. You have 2.35% of life-corrections to make.

"Attention, you're not yet three decades old. Life is probably going to teach you how to fix most of those missing percentage points. You may not learn to use the quadratic formula until you have mastered completing the square."

Okay- so the voice of God speaks to me in math metaphors. Get over it.

Go on. Stop laughing.

Still laughing?

Be careful, I'll whip out some serious physics language for you next.

So, my new plan is non-existent. My old plan, which was to keep striving for happiness is the plan. And I'm totally getting there. I have 2.35% points of happiness to look for in the great, wide world of my life. I am certain that once I have achieved my magic goal, that something will happen to throw a monkey wrench into my current formula for creating happiness that will then force me to re-evaluate my plan.

However, if the only plan is happiness, then really, the plan can stay the same and the means of completing the plan should be re-evaluated. But I'm not there yet. Because, you know, I have something like 78.63% of my life to go (assuming I make it to my target age, which I'm not telling you because I think some of you may be able to do math that is not as complicated as algebra 1).

I am metaphorically going to go and ice my head (with some creamy frozen deliciousness probably). I'm thinking about strategies for tomorrow's happiness. I may just have to wing it.

Love always, ~Heather

P.S. I do not think dork is a bad word. I'd like to think that the word is often applied to those who pretty much have things together but understand math metaphors. And occasionally run into stuff because they're reading and walking. Or otherwise break the traditions of "cool"; which are truthfully, overrated.


pritcher said…
This is completely unrelated to this post, but, if you haven't made up your thoughts about voting yet, I just read this post at Mark Shea's blog, and it's good. Mark (who's voting 3rd party) is responding to Dawn Eden (who's voting McCain). It's a refreshingly charitable exchange, and it lays out (what I feel are) the issues pretty helpfully.

God bless.
St. Izzy said…
I think that, as a feminine sort of person, you would be "Dorka Heatherula."

I used to teach a young lady who often wore a shirt that proclaimed "I <3 DORKS."

Pax et bonum,
Rex Nerdorum