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Proactive Waiting

Waiting is probably one of the hardest things in the world. It requires patience, perseverance, and willpower.

Sometimes I shock myself with both my possession of these characteristics and with my lack of them.

Right now I am waiting. I have been told to wait, so I am. But I am not in a line, I'm in my life. My life should not be bound by anticipation - it should be bound by action.

So I am proactively waiting. It's like putting your name in for a table at a restaurant and then flirting with the host/hostess so your group is seated first. Except I'm not flirting (which many, if not everyone would tell you I sort of suck at) or looking for a table.

I'm waiting on my future, and in a way I've never had to before. This is the first year I haven't moved in some way or another in almost a decade. Somehow, finally staying put has forced me to look around and notice the speed at which I am going. I don't like it.

There are some places where I'm keeping pace, others where I'm ahead and others where I just seem to have stopped. Like, sat down in the middle of a race, stopped. So, in an effort to keep to my 2009 promises, I am trying to eliminate all of the "sitting down" in my life. I'm either at least standing up while I catch my breath, or I'm taking baby steps forward. It's really the only thing I can do.

Because sometimes, there really is no place to go. No big step forward, no milestone to reach, no painted finish line. In totally cliche terms, this is really the time to remember that life is less about the destination and more about the journey.

I'm definitely on a journey. I've plotted some of the points I'd like to visit along the way, but I don't know how long it will take to get there, or if I'll ever make it to all of them (or if I'll still want to by the time I do). I don't know if the direct route is actually the fastest or most effective. In fact, I know shockingly little about this journey. I'm on it. God's on it. And right now, we're exploring some station the train decided to stop in. I'm not sure how long this layover is going to be, but I'll be waiting. Proactively waiting. Because when the train is ready to leave the station again, I'll be on it.

Or maybe I'll decide to walk.

Love always, ~Heather

P.S. Could the quote of the day be more appropriate? "To be is to do." - Immanuel Kant