HISTORICAL POST - Original date: 6/28/2008 at 11:35 p.m.
Tonight, after watching An American in Paris with P, she lent me two books. One of them was a Brave New World. Now I intend to start reviewing the books I read for everyone's perusal, but the title really hit home with events from earlier in the day.
I have this policy, which you may or may not know about. It is a personal standard that I live by - when I think something nice about a person, I tell them. This policy applies to walking past people who smell good, or noticing shoes, umbrellas, appetizing smelling homemade lunches, whatever. It also encompasses a much greater array of "nice thoughts" as well.
My rationale is that you never know if someone is having a bad day, or had never received this particular compliment before and now, they will know that someone thought this nice thing about them. (I feel inclined to note here that I often think more things than I am able to share and I also tend to do this more in person than in correspondence - so don't feel left out!) The only risk to this otherwise (I think) benevolent behavior, is that people can get startled by the news that they "smell good" from a complete stranger. Also, some people (myself included) just don't always know how to take a compliment.
Today, instead of giving one particular compliment, I didn't. I let the moment pass me by. Everything was lined up and the conversation was steering itself towards it (as opposed to me trying to bring it up), but I lost my nerve (or so I thought).
I walked away feeling terrible about it. What if they needed it? What if a better moment never arises? But, the truth is, it was the right thing to do. It was like being on a diet and when faced with a chocolate sundae, I decided not to say it looked delicious. Because saying it aloud could encourage an unfavorable behavior.
In the past, I have more freely given the particular comment I withheld today. One time it resulted in my best friend. Other times it led to utter misinterpretation and long-winded explanations (you know the old saying, if you have to explain the joke, it wasn't any good). So, although I second-guessed myself, I'm glad I found the courage NOT to say something, instead of the courage to say something that could have been damaging.
(2009 Update: I obviously never finished writing this and have no idea who this was written about! Guess it proves it couldn't have been that important to tell them.)
Tonight, after watching An American in Paris with P, she lent me two books. One of them was a Brave New World. Now I intend to start reviewing the books I read for everyone's perusal, but the title really hit home with events from earlier in the day.
I have this policy, which you may or may not know about. It is a personal standard that I live by - when I think something nice about a person, I tell them. This policy applies to walking past people who smell good, or noticing shoes, umbrellas, appetizing smelling homemade lunches, whatever. It also encompasses a much greater array of "nice thoughts" as well.
My rationale is that you never know if someone is having a bad day, or had never received this particular compliment before and now, they will know that someone thought this nice thing about them. (I feel inclined to note here that I often think more things than I am able to share and I also tend to do this more in person than in correspondence - so don't feel left out!) The only risk to this otherwise (I think) benevolent behavior, is that people can get startled by the news that they "smell good" from a complete stranger. Also, some people (myself included) just don't always know how to take a compliment.
Today, instead of giving one particular compliment, I didn't. I let the moment pass me by. Everything was lined up and the conversation was steering itself towards it (as opposed to me trying to bring it up), but I lost my nerve (or so I thought).
I walked away feeling terrible about it. What if they needed it? What if a better moment never arises? But, the truth is, it was the right thing to do. It was like being on a diet and when faced with a chocolate sundae, I decided not to say it looked delicious. Because saying it aloud could encourage an unfavorable behavior.
In the past, I have more freely given the particular comment I withheld today. One time it resulted in my best friend. Other times it led to utter misinterpretation and long-winded explanations (you know the old saying, if you have to explain the joke, it wasn't any good). So, although I second-guessed myself, I'm glad I found the courage NOT to say something, instead of the courage to say something that could have been damaging.
(2009 Update: I obviously never finished writing this and have no idea who this was written about! Guess it proves it couldn't have been that important to tell them.)
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