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Scope for the Imagination

I am such a fan of Netflix original series. The number one reason is, of course, strong content. The second reason is that when the new seasons come out, they come out all at once and I can watch as much of them as I please. When I saw they were re-making the Anne series, I knew I found a treat.

Seeing the movie Annie (the good one, with Carol Burnett) is what first made me want to adopt kids (at some ripe, single-digit age). It just seemed terrible to grow up in an orphanage. Reading the Anne of Green Gables books and seeing the Canadian television series as a kid made me convinced it was a good idea. I loved the Avonlea stories so much, that for years we watched the Disney (?) series and my parents got me lots of Avonlea-themed books. Anyway.

I was watching Anne with an "E" on Netflix tonight and it made me "longful." The hardest part about this part of the process so far (because at two weeks into the matching phase, I'm sure there are plenty more parts coming that will be challenging) is knowing that our kids are out there - with personalities and lives and daily joys or sorrows - and that they might be thinking that no one really wants them.

The idea that our children are worrying about that right now is really sad. I know that parents can't prevent all the bad things, or even most of them, from happening to their children. However, at the least a child should feel like someone wants them to be their family forever. That our daughters or sons don't yet know we are here waiting to love them in person. That they have had a whole lifetime without us ...

I felt more like an expectant mom today than I have yet. First, I read a Facebook post by someone who was talking about how we shouldn't use the term "mom-to-be" for pregnant women because they are already mothers. True. But, for me, frustrating because - like so many parts of adopting instead of biologically having a family - that's just another part of motherhood I am going to miss. I try to shrug these things off. I'm so happy about adopting; but I'll be honest, I still think about what it might be like to have a child actually grow inside of me. Then I remember the diapers and not sleeping parts and shake it off. :)

After that, I read about a family that adopted a sibling set of seven. They already had one child at home. "And then there were ten" seems like the monkeys jumping on the bed in reverse to me. However, the reason why this made me feel more like a future mom was because someone else saw it and posted it on my wall. A friend from high school who I have not seen in at least a decade saw this story and shared it with me because she remembered I am going to be an adoptive mom. Our own form of expecting.

Most people can't tell me stories about when they were this far along. Even amongst families adopting from foster care we're a bit of a minority since most children in care are adopted by their foster families. But I've never been one to do major life events traditionally. And RJ has never been one to care about tradition over the end result.

So we're here. Waiting. It's not exactly Green Gables, but hopefully it will still have plenty of "scope for imagination" for our children. A home where they are already loved, whether they know it or not.